This is Secrets of a true lady’s success
The secular etiquette situation is the most familiar and natural to the course of our lives. The lady, as the main one in this situation, must skillfully manage the privileges corresponding to her position. A well-bred woman has her own secrets and tricks, which will be discussed today.
The first secret. It is not necessary to strive to say hello first to those younger than us. However, it is worth noting that, as with any rule, there are exceptions. And they belong to the following social groups:
Members of the Royal Family;
Head of state or government;
Clergymen;
Elderly people holding high positions.
Representatives of these groups will always be senior.
The second secret. You can greet and greet someone of lower status while sitting. It is not recommended for a self-respecting lady to get up.
The third secret. In some circles, even in a secular situation and regardless of gender, a handshake is an integral part of the greeting. For example, in Europe, shaking hands among women in various fields is common.
By the way, a handshake is an important part of communication. They have their own hidden meaning and laws. But more on that to come.
So, if a lady greets a junior in status (do not forget about exceptions, about them in the text):
You don’t have to extend your hand to shake hands (at your discretion and desire);
If you would like to extend your hand and shake, you can do this without standing up (if you are sitting).
Man and woman in public places. Instructions for use
Even if our companion does not know all the rules of correct treatment of a lady, he can be quietly led to these innovations.
The fourth secret. When we are accompanied by a man, it is better to walk on the right side. This tradition goes back to the time when men wore swords and sabers on their left side. And in order not to hurt their companion with this weapon, accompanying the lady, the men walked to her left.
However, here we have our own exceptions:
Today, military personnel do not carry sabers. Therefore, if you are accompanied by a representative of military etiquette, it is better to go to his left so as not to interfere with him saluting with his right hand. This nuance also applies to clergy, because with their right hand they bless;
At social events and receptions, special events and balls, it is also better for a lady to be on the left side of her companion, since when meeting familiar men at this event, he will shake their hands with his right hand;
On the street, a man must walk from the side of the pavement or roadway. Or, for example, from the side of the “hedge”, from the side of abandoned buildings and garages. In a word, from the side where it is dangerous, so that if something happens, you take the blow. Here again, the lady can take the initiative and quietly change lanes to the far lane;
If there is a path ahead in the forest/abandoned place/dark park, ruts and holes, road repairs or a narrow bridge, the man should go ahead (read – the lady can let the man go ahead) to feel the road and determine the degree of safety. In case of danger, he will always have the opportunity to shield the lady with himself. Or “at worst” just give the lady a hand, help her (especially if she’s wearing heels!);
Who goes through the door first? A man should be the first to enter unfamiliar and dark entrances (with a trembling voice, “It’s dark there, I’m afraid,” we again let our gentleman go ahead). If it is a restaurant/theater/shop or a hotel where the door is opened by a doorman, a woman always goes through first. In the absence of a doorman, the man opens the door himself and holds it until the lady enters the room;
When we go up or down stairs accompanied by a companion. In this case, it is also better for the man to go ahead, giving his hand to the lady. This tradition came to us from the distant 12th century, when women wore long and voluminous dresses, and electricity did not yet exist. The gallant knight of that time carried a lit torch in his right hand to illuminate the dark corridor of the castle. In his left hand he held the right hand of his companion, who with the other hand lifted the hem of her long skirt.
When going down the stairs, it is very important to hold your hand not only on the railing, but also on the hand of your companion. Once in a restaurant I had to be an involuntary witness to ignorance of this rule. This incident happened in winter, when the snow on our outdoor shoes indoors turns into water in a matter of seconds. And the combination of wet shoes, slippery footprints, stone steps and heels makes our movement on stairs extreme and dangerous.
The lady who entered that day, overtaking her escort, began to cheerfully descend to the ground floor of the restaurant (the restaurant had several floors). Slipping in the middle of the stairs, she quickly flew down on her knees, unable to grab the railing. The man descending behind could not even grab her; everything happened too quickly. And if it weren’t for the waiter, who happened to be below, the poor woman would have smashed her head on the marble steps – he managed to keep her head from hitting her. The result is a broken heel, torn tights, ruined hairstyle, shock, tears…
And one more small nuance. In the opinion of the author of these lines: only your spouse can walk behind – for the reason that he is not forbidden to observe your so-called “rear view”. Personally, I’m bothered by someone else’s pair of eyes from the rear flank, so I let all the men go forward. These are my personal beliefs, but as you know: “A lady’s desire is the law.”
Secret five. I once heard an ironic saying: if a man opens the door of his car to a woman, then this lady is his mistress, or he has a new car from which he is blowing away dust. This should not happen! Give a caring attitude towards wives! Therefore, it would be good to ask your spouse (or boyfriend) to open the car door for you when you get in and out of it (with the expectation that this action will become a habit for him). It’s so beautiful!
Secret six. It is better for men to enter public transport first. As well as going out. In this case, as in others, a hand from your companion will not hurt.
Female self-presentation
Remember the lessons of femininity from secretary Verochka from the good old film “Office Romance”?
“This is what separates a businesswoman from… a woman? Gait! How do you walk!? After all, this is incomprehensible to the mind! It’s all tied up in a knot, it’s all shriveled up like an old torn shoe , and now it’s scratching for work – as if it’s driving piles! How are we walking? There must be a mystery in a woman. The head is slightly raised, the eyes are slightly lowered. Everything is loose, shoulders thrown back, gait free from the hips. Uninhibited, free movement of a panther before a jump.”
The stable expression “elegant woman” is associated not only with behavior, but also with demeanor and appearance.
The seventh secret. Posture. Everything here is known on the advice of the same Verochka. “Head forward! Chest forward! Get behind me! Front in your belly! All in yourself! And she walked freely! The leg is free from the hip.” But just don’t wag your hips like a promiscuous woman, according to Vera. In short, training in walking with books on your head comes in handy here.
Secret eight. Sitting manner. A distinctive feature of elegant ladies is that knowing how to do this allows a woman not only to look decent, but also to avoid funny situations when more is revealed to the eyes of strangers than she should. So, the cross-legged pose is bad form. Modern representatives of the highest circles sit exactly as follows: the back should be straight, the shoulders should be lowered. Knees and feet are brought together. In this position, your legs can be moved to the side, shifting the center of gravity to one hip.
The ninth secret. When going up and down the stairs, it is better to place your feet and knees as close to each other as possible. In this case, the woman looks very neat – slender, put together like a string.
Secret tenth. When you are sitting, it is better to fold your hands into the so-called “English castle” or place your palms on top of each other. You should not warm your hands between your legs. Or fidget with your purse, watch, ring. A woman nervously fingering her fingers creates the impression of an unbalanced person. This nuance is especially good to remember in those cases when you are really worried and don’t know how to sit down and where to put your hands.
I would like to sum up the conversation about female elegance with the words of the brilliant Alexander Sergeevich. It was he who brought together all these qualities and displayed them in the person of the married, transformed Tatyana Larina.
***
She was unhurried,
Not cold, not talkative,
Without an insolent look for everyone,
Without pretensions to success,
Without these little antics,
Without imitative undertakings…
Everything was quiet, it was just about her,
She seemed like a true snapshot
of Du comme il faut…
(8, XIV)
***
The ladies moved closer to her;
The old women smiled at her;
The men bowed lower,
Catching the gaze of her eyes;
The girls walked more quietly
in front of her through the hall, and the general who entered with her
raised his nose and shoulders higher than everyone else. No one could call her beautiful; but from head to toe No one could find in her That which is called vulgar by autocratic fashion In the high London circle . (XV)
***
Sweet with carefree charm,
She sat at the table
With the brilliant Nina Voronskaya,
This Cleopatra of the Neva;
And you would truly agree
that Nina’s marble beauty
could not outshine her neighbor,
even though she was dazzling.
